there will be a day that you can no longer do this . . today is not that day

wow! i did it. i ran my first marathon and now that it is over i almost feel empty. almost the same feeling i use to get after finishing the longest run in my life at the time 12 miles, 14 miles, all with my dear running friends. sometimes afterword we would go out to eat, BBD, Queenies, or sometimes we would just go home. either way i would think to myself 'i just endured so much pain yet had so much fun talking, joking while running with these people and now i am just going to go home'. even those days i knew the journey wasn't over. i knew we would all do it again just as i know that now. dont get me wrong. i am not a negative person. maybe i just default to sentiment rather then accomplishment? i am very proud of all of you! months and even weeks ago it seemed like such a amazing feat. now it is a memory.

i started off strong. even keeping up (but just behind) with my husband jason until the dreaded jenks loop. for the first two miles my left shin hurt so bad but other then that i felt strong. i was warmer then i had hoped to be with the disposable hand warmers in my gloves helping more then anything else. as the first 10-12 miles went by i was happy and even impressed with my pace. my half time was 2:16:55 but was jenks ever going to end? by the time we were done with this loop i was in a different mindset and had totally lost sight of the 4:30 balloons not that i expected to keep just behind them, more on the balloons and their sponsors later. up until now running with my ipod (for the first time ever, sorry kathy i tried something new) had really motivated me. the music really helped keep my mind off of what i was actually doing. i dont think i could tell you more then two songs i heard after the jenks loop. it was great to see bobby and ken as i was leaving jenks and this keep me going for a little while. coach bean passed me about mile 17 but i was stopped for water and he ran on by with his water. he was in the zone and didnt notice me. he looked very strong. after that my goal was just run to the next water stop and then you could walk again but i didnt make it. i walked about every 100 yards for awhile. not sure why. didnt hurt. just wasnt into it. then i saw the 4:45 balloons grrr. patty was with them and i was so glad to see her. she has always been an inspiration. i really wanted to stay with them and did for about one and a half minutes. their pace felt like a sprint. had to walk again. about mile 19 is when the spaghetti warehouse pains hit. the pains that are still with me today and that is why i am home from work and finally posting a blog. (jas ate the same thing, was also sick, but i have been sick longer due to my slow gi system and also the raw hamberger i ate right after the race). at this point i hurt pretty bad but not enough to stop. i actually ran more from mile 19-22 then 17-19. i was looking for a portapotty but when i saw one was at one of the moments the pain wasnt as strong. just keep going. thank you candance for moving from place to place to cheer us on. i appreciate you more then you know. i walked every hill thru the neighborhoods and was glad that they were integrated into our training runs (kathy says 'told ya so'). i knew they were there and when they would end. i just wish i woulda ran or at least drove that jenks loop. talked with a guy from ft. smith, ar that wasnt feeling much better then me. havent checked yet but i think he beat me. about mile 25.5 i saw the 5:00 balloons about 50-100 yards back and then marvin appeared like an angel. i was walking even though i didnt have much left to go. my tummy hurt so bad. started running with him and told him of my pain. he said that if i walked he walked. i said 'no. go on' and started walking again. he stopped so i started running again. i then said 'please go, i think i am going to crap my pants'. he said that it was 'worth it to crap your pants to beat 5 hours' i agreed but after a few more steps told him to 'go on please' which he did. the balloons were getting closer. i ran the last 0.2 miles and beat the 5 hour mark :) i was happy and for some reason i didnt feel as much pain. maybe this was my small version of a runners high. i feel jipped and want the real one! jason was at the finish to hug me and this also made me forget the pain.

it was so good to see so many of the runnersworld group after the race. being around people that actually appreciated what you just did was awesome. one of the best moments was watching bobby cross the finish line. a job well done! i was especially glad to see chrissy who i had not seen since before she got sick. i have really missed her. i am excited to have her back soon!

i have so much more to write about but am getting tired. hubby is asking me to come to bed. . . just to talk. i am sick remember.

i am so thankful for the friends i have made for life.

thank you to everyone who helped me achieve my goal. there is no way i can repay any of you. i especially want to thank coach kathy. somehow she made a runner out of me.

so when jenni text me today and asked me 'how far we are suppose to run today?' i felt kinda lost. where is that paper, ya know, the schedule with my blood, sweat and tears all over it? oh nevermind. it doesn't tell me anymore. another reason i felt like 'wow, this is over. now what?' (read kathy's email). but that does mean maybe we are suppose to be experienced to know by now? this is a journey, not a destination. i figured not to far. i just replied to jenni, 'i dont know. the furthest i will be running today is to the bathroom'