my first poll (please vote!) and more misc marathon ramblings

please vote in my poll above.

i know it is a little late to add thoughts on the marathon. it seems so long ago. but now i am using this as kind of a diary so these are a few things i dont want to forget. not sure if i made it clear in my last post but this race was the first time i ever ran with an ipod. the first song i heard was 'die another day' by madonna. at the time this was very inspirational for me. i knew at that time although my shin was hurting i would make it to the end. this song title now seems sad because of the young boy that died on the course. moment of silence and reflection.

i also forgot to add my comments about the balloons. when i first heard of these pace objects at the expo, the thought of them started getting into my head. i only recently bought a garmin which i had planned on running with because i felt bad asking others - namely linda and coach bean 'how fast are we going?' for the last 5 months. i was frustrated to learn during one of our training runs that brian thought that the instant pace was garbage since if you just moved your arm to fast you could get an artificially fast reading. the average pace was ticking me off because
i want to know what my pace is NOW! my first phrase as a child was 'have it now!' which still rings true today. well to a point. it did take me awhile to buy this garmin. so i am finally content with the lap pace - average over the last mile. to make a long story short - TOO LATE, i left my garmin in the car the day of the marathon. i was so worried about getting my trash bag on (see www.runnersworldtulsa.com slide show) to stay warm. once i realized that i forgot it, (at starting line, with about 2 minutes til gun time), i had to rely on what else - the balloons. for some reason what i pictured was a big red helium filled object with a large white typed print that read 5:00. this image reminded me of that party favor you get as a kid with a large red balloon with the yellow string that you punch repeatedly. just asked jason and he called it a 'knucklepuncher' if that helps anyone follow. in my imagination they would float high like it was the Macy's parade on but on a much smaller scale. so when i saw these small yellow things on a stick of all things (things 'on a stick' bother me) with hand written black marker i was disappointed. this was going to take concentration just to find them. all that registration money for the race and sign up fees they charge their runners for training and this was all the globo gymers could come up with! maybe my expectations were to high. so the anxiety that these dumb balloons had caused me had temorarily gone away. i became more upset that i forgot my garmin but it was time to go. for the first half of the race i appreciated the 'balloons on a stick'. after i lost the 430 and kept looking back for the 445 and after that group past me i was hating these yellow things. but the fact they were there at the end and i was racing them i appreciate yet hated them at the same time. so i am glad that my RunnersWorld Tulsa trainers do not concentrate on pace. i like running based on how i feel although i am still working on saving more for the end. i plan to work more on negative splits in the future. maybe the sticks cost so much and since we dont have them kathy can give us free training? no. i think she just has a good heart.

in my last post i also forgot to mention some of the other things marvin said to me. during the short time i ran with him i learned what a great coach he is. he told me 'keep your head up. drop your shoulders.' and other pointers i cant remember now. this was really encouraging, helped me relax, and probably allowed me to finish my race sub 5 even though the help was so late in the race. i was looking at him out of my side vision and he wasnt even looking at me. he said ' i am looking at your shadow'. i didnt even see my shadow. if i remember correctly, if i started at 8, and this was almost 5 hours later, it was almost 1 pm. we were running west on 18th just before the boston turn. our shadows would have been behind us. either marvin has eyes behind his head or maybe he really is an angel. regardless i would love to hire him as my personal trainer bcuz somehow he knew what i was doing wrong and how to correct it.

i did really miss my fellow team bean members during the race because i have never run a long run without at least one of them. i did want to ask if anyone wanted to try to run together but this was to touchy of a subject. i didnt want anyone to feel obligated to stop when i stopped, whether to walk or use the restroom. what if i needed to stop for good or one of the others did? i wouldnt want anyone else to feel like they had to take care of me but i wouldnt want to leave one of them. so this is why i bought the ipod and by no means did this replace my friends. i think i could have done even better (faster) if one of them was by my side. when jenni was right next to me for the first several miles i felt strong. we barely talked as we were both listening to our music just knowing that she was right there helped so much. i am a little scared to do another run of this length without my friends around me. and i dont just mean beaners but any of my friends.

my sadness or post race depression has worn off now and i am excited and proud of my marathon. i have been told several times by various people that i should be proud of my sub 5 time for my first time. i am finally starting to glow. i feel so much closer to my running friends now then before and plan to hang out with them for as long as they will let me.

photo courtesy of, well stolen from, marathonfoto

there will be a day that you can no longer do this . . today is not that day

wow! i did it. i ran my first marathon and now that it is over i almost feel empty. almost the same feeling i use to get after finishing the longest run in my life at the time 12 miles, 14 miles, all with my dear running friends. sometimes afterword we would go out to eat, BBD, Queenies, or sometimes we would just go home. either way i would think to myself 'i just endured so much pain yet had so much fun talking, joking while running with these people and now i am just going to go home'. even those days i knew the journey wasn't over. i knew we would all do it again just as i know that now. dont get me wrong. i am not a negative person. maybe i just default to sentiment rather then accomplishment? i am very proud of all of you! months and even weeks ago it seemed like such a amazing feat. now it is a memory.

i started off strong. even keeping up (but just behind) with my husband jason until the dreaded jenks loop. for the first two miles my left shin hurt so bad but other then that i felt strong. i was warmer then i had hoped to be with the disposable hand warmers in my gloves helping more then anything else. as the first 10-12 miles went by i was happy and even impressed with my pace. my half time was 2:16:55 but was jenks ever going to end? by the time we were done with this loop i was in a different mindset and had totally lost sight of the 4:30 balloons not that i expected to keep just behind them, more on the balloons and their sponsors later. up until now running with my ipod (for the first time ever, sorry kathy i tried something new) had really motivated me. the music really helped keep my mind off of what i was actually doing. i dont think i could tell you more then two songs i heard after the jenks loop. it was great to see bobby and ken as i was leaving jenks and this keep me going for a little while. coach bean passed me about mile 17 but i was stopped for water and he ran on by with his water. he was in the zone and didnt notice me. he looked very strong. after that my goal was just run to the next water stop and then you could walk again but i didnt make it. i walked about every 100 yards for awhile. not sure why. didnt hurt. just wasnt into it. then i saw the 4:45 balloons grrr. patty was with them and i was so glad to see her. she has always been an inspiration. i really wanted to stay with them and did for about one and a half minutes. their pace felt like a sprint. had to walk again. about mile 19 is when the spaghetti warehouse pains hit. the pains that are still with me today and that is why i am home from work and finally posting a blog. (jas ate the same thing, was also sick, but i have been sick longer due to my slow gi system and also the raw hamberger i ate right after the race). at this point i hurt pretty bad but not enough to stop. i actually ran more from mile 19-22 then 17-19. i was looking for a portapotty but when i saw one was at one of the moments the pain wasnt as strong. just keep going. thank you candance for moving from place to place to cheer us on. i appreciate you more then you know. i walked every hill thru the neighborhoods and was glad that they were integrated into our training runs (kathy says 'told ya so'). i knew they were there and when they would end. i just wish i woulda ran or at least drove that jenks loop. talked with a guy from ft. smith, ar that wasnt feeling much better then me. havent checked yet but i think he beat me. about mile 25.5 i saw the 5:00 balloons about 50-100 yards back and then marvin appeared like an angel. i was walking even though i didnt have much left to go. my tummy hurt so bad. started running with him and told him of my pain. he said that if i walked he walked. i said 'no. go on' and started walking again. he stopped so i started running again. i then said 'please go, i think i am going to crap my pants'. he said that it was 'worth it to crap your pants to beat 5 hours' i agreed but after a few more steps told him to 'go on please' which he did. the balloons were getting closer. i ran the last 0.2 miles and beat the 5 hour mark :) i was happy and for some reason i didnt feel as much pain. maybe this was my small version of a runners high. i feel jipped and want the real one! jason was at the finish to hug me and this also made me forget the pain.

it was so good to see so many of the runnersworld group after the race. being around people that actually appreciated what you just did was awesome. one of the best moments was watching bobby cross the finish line. a job well done! i was especially glad to see chrissy who i had not seen since before she got sick. i have really missed her. i am excited to have her back soon!

i have so much more to write about but am getting tired. hubby is asking me to come to bed. . . just to talk. i am sick remember.

i am so thankful for the friends i have made for life.

thank you to everyone who helped me achieve my goal. there is no way i can repay any of you. i especially want to thank coach kathy. somehow she made a runner out of me.

so when jenni text me today and asked me 'how far we are suppose to run today?' i felt kinda lost. where is that paper, ya know, the schedule with my blood, sweat and tears all over it? oh nevermind. it doesn't tell me anymore. another reason i felt like 'wow, this is over. now what?' (read kathy's email). but that does mean maybe we are suppose to be experienced to know by now? this is a journey, not a destination. i figured not to far. i just replied to jenni, 'i dont know. the furthest i will be running today is to the bathroom'